


The Day of the Unicorn

by SunriseRose1023



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Brain Surgery, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Infant Death, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Regret, Surgery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-15
Updated: 2015-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-30 17:37:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3945676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunriseRose1023/pseuds/SunriseRose1023
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"When she was twelve years old, she was ... she was obsessed with unicorns, because they were magical and they could do great things..."</p>
<p>May Fifteenth is a hard day for Amelia. But she's strong. She's been through worse, and she can get through one day without letting her mind get the best of her. But when a case hits too close to home, Owen is there to pick up the pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Day of the Unicorn

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers from Season 5 of "Private Practice." If you haven't watched that and aren't 100% clear on Amelia's backstory, I suggest you turn away now. Otherwise, go ahead. The quote in the summary is from the Private Practice season 5 finale, "Gone Baby Gone." 
> 
> I take no responsibility for the Kleenex you may destroy.

May fifteenth will forever be known as the "Day of the Unicorn."

At least, it will for Amelia.

A sense of dread falls over her before she even wakes up. She tries to push it aside, forces herself to smile. She goes through her normal routine and doesn't once imagine that, if things were different, a three-year-old would be brushing his teeth right beside her, smiling up at her and getting flecks of toothpaste all over the mirror, and, most likely, her and himself.

She drives to the hospital and takes the stairs, just in case someone were to get on the elevator and stop it at the daycare. She goes to her office to catch up on the never-ending amounts of paperwork and never lets herself think of a photo that could fill the empty space on the corner of her desk, or a messy Crayola scribble that would definitely be framed, hung on the wall, and lauded a work of genius.

She has a consultation before lunch that goes swimmingly. A patient who, for once, does everything Amelia tells him to, takes his medication at the same time--precisely--every single day. His surgery is tentatively scheduled for next week, and Amelia is so confident that everything will be fine that she entertains the idea of letting one of the residents do it. Edwards would fly through it.

On a freak moment of downtime, she starts to wonder if he'd like superheroes and try to fly himself, like Derek had done before she was born. Derek had gotten a broken arm for his trouble, would it have been the same for him? Amelia shakes her head, clearing her throat and locking her office as she heads to the cafeteria.

She sits at a table by herself, eating a very grown-up lunch of a grilled chicken salad with some kind of vinaigrette dressing. It's very good.

At least, it would be if she could taste it.

She stares out the window as she eats, deliberately not thinking of chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese and sippy cups of apple juice or chocolate milk.

She's paged as soon as she tosses what's left of her lunch in the trash. MVA, three patients that all need neuro consults. She hops on the elevator and rides down to the pit, grabbing a flimsy yellow paper gown and tying it around her neck. She grabs gloves and slides them on, yelling that she's here, catching Meredith's eye from the bed next to hers. Owen's eyes sparkle when he looks at her, and she gives him a tiny smile when Alex starts speaking.

Wait, Alex?

No.

_Crap._

"Five-year-old backseat passenger. Restrained in a car seat, but the belt snapped and he slammed into the window."

Amelia swallows, blinking hard, letting out a quiet, shaky breath when she sees the blood from the gash on the little boy's head.

_No._

"Sonya in the ambulance said he was crying when they pulled him out, but he lost consciousness before he seized halfway here."

_No._

"He needs a CT, right? Any specific bloodwork you need? We've got a CBC ordered and a type-cross."

_No._

"Amelia? Hey."

She blinks, looking up to Owen, who watches her with concern in his eyes. Blue eyes that seem to look right into her soul.

Ryan's eyes had been brown. Would his have been, too?

"He's seizing again!"

She blinks, shaking her head, looking down at the tiny body on the bed, eyes rolled back, little arms twitching beneath the buckles securing him to the backboard. Amelia forces her mind to shut off, going to the head of the bed.

"Roll him on his side. Let's get some epi in him. Any allergies?"

* * *

He's got a bleed in his brain.

She knew he did. Knew it as soon as Alex started talking. She stands in the room with scans of his tiny little brain all around her, studying them, debating the best course of action.

Surgery is her last resort, because of his age and the splenic lac Meredith is worried about. They could try IV meds, but ... The placement of the bleed is what worries her. She could get it out, no problem. But he's so little. He'd bounce back, though. She was sure of it. Kids were resilient. This kid would be fine. This kid...

This kid _had_ a brain.

Amelia presses a hand to her stomach, moving it up to her heart as she closes her eyes.

Strong and steady.

_Alive._

She opens her eyes, gaze landing on one of the scans, the one that best showed the size and shape of the bleed.

A knock at the door caused her to turn back, seeing Jo Wilson standing at the door.

"Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Hunt wanted me to ask you--"  
"Can you book an O.R. for me? This kid's got to go now."

Jo blinked, but nodded.

"Tell Dr. Hunt that I'm fine, he knows the answer to whatever he wanted you to ask me, and then come scrub in."

Jo's eyes went wide, and she nodded again before backing out of the room. Amelia blew out her breath, lifting her hands to push through her chocolate brown hair. She nodded, twisting her hair up as she walked from the room.

* * *

Amelia couldn't have asked for a better surgery. The kid's vitals stayed textbook-perfect for the entire surgery, the clot was right where she needed it to be, and she even made Jo's day by letting her irrigate, suture, and close.

And she never once thought of little hands reaching out for her, bedtime stories, and sweet snuggles in the mornings.

* * *

Amelia had more paperwork at the end of the day, because paperwork was a never-ending beast. She was working on what she could focus on, thinking of working on it until she couldn't see it anymore, then crashing on the very comfortable couch she'd gotten for this office. Zola could make it a night without her. Bailey would pitch a fit, but it was Meredith's turn to defuse that little bomb. Ellis was too little to worry about anything except having someone to fix her bottles and make sure she was clean and dry and happy.

He'd fit right in with them. Bailey would be ecstatic to have another boy around. Would they play with those little toy cars or the blocks?

A knock at the door pulled Amelia out of her thoughts, and she smiled. Owen leaned against the door, crossed his arms over his chest, and smiled at her.

"Good work today."

Amelia smiled.

"It was a pretty good day."

Owen nodded, the smile still on his face before he lifted his chin, eyebrows furrowing.

"Is everything okay?"

Amelia blinked, making herself keep smiling.

"Yeah. Fine."  
"Because earlier, in the Pit?"

Amelia shook her head, and Owen continued.

"You hesitated."  
"Owen."  
"It's not like you."  
"Leave it, Owen. Please."  
"Amy, come on, I--"  
"Damn it, Owen!"

He blinked, and she put her head in her hands. Owen dragged a hand over his face, turning to walk away, going still and turning back when he heard the quiet sob.

He stepped in and shut the door behind him, walking over and kneeling down beside Amelia's chair.

"Hey. Come on, sweetheart. Talk to me."

Amelia shook her head, trying and failing to hold back a sob. Owen gently rubbed her arms, and she finally lifted her head. Tear tracks were on her cheeks, with glistening tears still sliding down. Her face was red, and she pushed a hand through her dark hair. She looked to Owen, speaking softly.

"Today's his birthday. He'd be three."

Owen's brows drew together, before realization hit him and he slowly nodded his head.

"Your baby?"

Amelia nodded. She sniffled, and Owen moved closer to her, taking hold of her hands. She leaned over and cried against his shoulder, shaking her head.

"I was doing so good today. I forced myself not to think about him or the way my life could be if the universe wasn't such a cruel bitch."

She closed her eyes, moving to rest her head against his shoulder, and his hand came up to card through her hair, the other gently rubbing her back. She gave a ragged sigh, voice thick with tears as she spoke.

"What would he look like? Would he be sweet or mischievous? Would I be--"

She gasped, shaking her head. Owen pulled back, looking up at her before cupping her face in his hands.

"You would be a great mother."

She stared at him, tears slipping down her cheeks. She nodded, pursing her lips.

"I would ... be a _great_ mother."

She let out a sob, slipping from the chair and sitting on the floor in front of it. Owen sat down beside her, reaching over and gathering her in his arms, pulling her onto his lap. He just held her, kissing her forehead, stroking her hair. She had his tie in her hands, twisting it and wrinkling it up, then smoothing it out as best she could.

After what felt like the longest time, Owen spoke.

"He would have been the luckiest little boy. He'd have had a mother who loves him more than anything else. A mother who saves lives on a daily basis."

Owen smiled, still stroking her hair as she rested her head against his chest.

"He'd like Seattle. He'd love Meredith and the kids. Built-in playmates."  
"And Derek."

Fresh tears came to Amelia's eyes.

"He would have adored Derek. God knows I did."

Owen kissed her forehead, and she turned further into him. He tightened his hold on her, speaking softly.

"You'd never need a babysitter. Not with all the doctors around here. And the daycare downstairs. He'd be friends with Sofia, so you know Callie and Arizona would love him. And Karev, kids just flock to him."

Amelia smiled, reaching a hand up to brush her fingers through his hair. His eyes drifted closed.

"And you'd be there."

Owen blinked his eyes open, glancing down at his chest, at her lying there, still fiddling with his tie. She let out a breath and looked up, smiling at him through her tears.

"He'd love you."

Owen swallowed, voice going thick and rough as he spoke.

"I'd love him, too."

Amelia's face crumpled up, and Owen bent down, letting her put her face in his neck. He blinked back tears, clearing his throat.

"It's okay, Amelia."  
"It hurts. It hurts _so_ bad."  
"I know it does. But this is ... It's going to be okay."  
"I never told Derek about him. He--he didn't ... He didn't know."

Owen closed his eyes as a new wave of tears hit her, as the sobs she choked out tore his heart in two.

"I didn't want him to ... To feel sorry for me. Or--or to be dis--disappointed in me. I'd let him down so--so many times, and I just--"

Her voice was broken, choked with the sobs she couldn't hold back anymore, and Owen held her as close as he could. She cried, letting it out the only way she could, in his arms. He didn't say anything else, until her tears had slowed and the sobs had quieted. She gasped in little breaths every now and then, and she kept her head on his shoulder. Owen cleared his throat, speaking softly, his tone gentle.

"I think ... They found each other. Derek and--and your baby. Maybe the kid gave him a tour."

Amelia let out a quiet laugh, and Owen smiled.

"And now, he's got someone to watch out for him. Uncle Derek will take care of him."

Amelia nodded, tears still slipping down her cheeks.

"Maybe Derek will teach him how to ride a bike. He taught me."

Owen smiled, lifting a hand to drag it through her hair. Amelia let out a sigh at the touch, turning his face into his shirt for a moment before relaxing back against him. Owen sighed, kissing her temple, fingers playing with the ends of her hair.

"Amelia?"

She looked up at him, and he glanced down at her.

"Do me a favor?"

She nodded, and his hand, big and warm and calloused, moved to cup her cheek.

"Don't do this again. Don't walk around all day and keep it all pushed down. Let yourself feel it."

She let out a breath, shaking her head.

"It hurts so bad."  
"I know it does. But you have to feel it. Remember?"

She closed her eyes, slowly nodding. Owen nodded back, speaking softly again.

"Come find me, and I'll help you through it."

Amelia let out a quiet laugh.

"You're too good to me."

Owen smiled at her, then leaned down, gently pressing his lips to hers. Amelia's hand came up, threading through the hair on the back of his head, holding his mouth against hers. After a few long minutes, too short of a time, Owen pulled back, smiling as he looked at her, hand still resting against her face.

"Let's get out of here."  
"I don't know if I can go home. I mean to Meredith's. Well, not for long, if the offers keep coming in."

Amelia blew out a breath, moving off of Owen's lap, bringing her knees up and pushing her hands through her hair. She sighed, leaning over to rest her cheek on her knees, looking at him. 

"Zola, Bailey, and I have a pretty specific bedtime routine. And I just ... I can't stop myself from picturing him there, too. I can't handle that tonight."  
"Then come home with me."

Amelia's eyes widened, and Owen let out a laugh.

"I'll sleep on the couch."  
"You fit a couch in that trailer?"

Owen laughed again, leaning over to gently push her shoulder.

"Stop it."

Amelia smiled, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. 

"I'd like that."

Owen glanced down, trying to hide the smile that spread over his face. He nodded, getting to his feet. He let out a groan, thinking he was getting too old for sitting on the floor, then held out a hand. Amelia slid her hand in his, letting him help her up, and to Owen's surprise, she didn't let go. She gave him a smile, then stepped into his arms. Owen closed his eyes, holding her against him, resting his cheek on top of her head. Amelia sighed, leaning back to look at him.

"Thank you."

He smiled at her, shaking his head.

"Anytime."

Amelia stepped away from him, flipping off the light on her desk and grabbing her coat. She slid it on her shoulders, fluffing her hair out of the collar. She grabbed her purse and slid it on her shoulder, then took his hand, leading him from her office. She tugged on his hand once, and he stepped closer, looking down at the warm blue eyes that smiled back at him. 

"You don't have to sleep on the couch, you know."

Owen blinked, and she smiled, letting him walk out ahead of her. She turned back to look around her office, taking in a deep breath, then letting it out slowly. She murmured quietly to herself as she held a hand on the light switch. 

"Forty-three minutes, three years ago."

She didn't have to force the smile this time. It came easily, on its own.

"Best forty-three minutes of my life."

She flipped the lights off, shut the door behind her and turned to see Owen waiting for her just down the hall. She smiled again, walking to him, slipping her hand in the warm cradle of his own, staying close beside him as they walked through the doors of Grey-Sloan Memorial. 


End file.
